Another Reason I’m Not a Real Grownup

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She’s two, but believes glasses help her look more mature

Bridget just turned two a few days ago. Yay!

My kids made it past infancy, which I consider a big win given how much they want to jump from great heights and jam forks into light sockets.

This long, unbroken procreation line from the first evolving amoebas to our present-day offspring remains intact. Score two more points for our DNA.

As Bridget’s birthday approached, my husband and I remembered that Brontë was two years old when Bridget was born (their birthdays are a couple of weeks apart. June is a fun month in this house). Back then, Brontë was still sleeping in our room.

We knew we’d be needing her crib soon and didn’t want her sleeping in the same place as a screaming-all-night newborn. We decided to move her into her own room, with a “big girl” bed, two months before her sister’s arrival. Being moved out right as her sister arrived might make Brontë feel replaced, we thought,  which could lead to resentment.

Since Brontë’s Big Girl Bed was a roaring success at age two, John and I decided it was time to maneuver Bidgie’s convertible crib into toddler formation, where one of its side-walls is replaced with a “half-wall.”

So last night, after the kids’ teeth were brushed and nightgowns donned, we walked them into their room to find Bridget’s brand new Big Girl bed, in honor of her passage into full Toddlerhood.

Brontë was impressed and Bridget was ecstatic, running back and forth giggling with her arms in the air: FREEDOM! GLORIOUS FREEDOM! Plopping into her new bed with a contented sigh, she laid there for a moment before a smirk spread across her chubby face…

Then she wriggled out of her bed, stomped over to the light switch and flipped it off, setting the ceiling star stickers aglow.

monster
You rang?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Brontë shrieked. She’s a fearless kid in many ways, but still terrified of the dark. She figures if you’re gonna sleep with the light off, you may as well leave flowers and cookies for the monsters too.

Brontë got out of bed, stomped over to the light switch, and flipped it back on, returning to her bed in a huff.

“BLEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Bidgie screamed. She’d been putting up with this sleep-with-the-lights-on nonsense for months now and finally had the opportunity to take action. She crawled out of bed, stomped back over to the light switch, and slapped it off again.

This was followed by inevitable screaming.

Uh oh… John and I hadn’t considered this turn of events.

The kids took turns stomping back and forth and shouting as the Great Light Switch Power Struggle raged on. Eventually, Bridget collapsed in defeat. She just couldn’t compete with a kid two years older.

As Bidgie struggled to pull blankets over her eyes, John and I looked at each other sideways, scratching our heads.

“Umm… Maybe we could drape a blanket over Bridget’s bed,” I suggested. “Now that she has a side exit?”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” John said as he wandered off.

Returning with a brown blanket and zip ties, John started arranging a makeshift tent over Bridget’s crib as I moved in to help him. After finishing, we further decided that since the kids’ beds were roughly the same length, we should push them together to leave more useable space in their room.

Backing away to survey our creation, it suddenly hit us: we had made our kids a fort. We were two grown adults who had just spent the evening building a giant bed fort in our daughters’ room.

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Fort Minnie Mouse of Rocklin

And our kids decided it was the coolest thing they’d ever seen.

They scrambled onto the beds, climbing in and out of the bed linen fortress together and cried themselves giggling about making various stuffed animals poke their heads out the door. Toddler jokes.

They were still in hysterics for about half an hour after we kissed them good night and closed the door. Finally, the noise died down as they passed out in their respective beds.

They stayed quiet and John and I got to watch The Walking Dead in peace.

Bed forts: another underrated parenting technique.

 

 

 

 

 

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32 thoughts on “Another Reason I’m Not a Real Grownup”

    1. We have just discovered them and they are awesome. They kids were happy, we were left in peace, and a small part of me kind of wanted to crawl in it too.

      I’m guessing we will graduate to Family Room forts in time.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that’s what makes canopy beds and train bunks so cool… They’re bed forts that look respectable.

      There must be a bohemian bedroom style out there with a similar effect. I’m picturing cubbyholes and draping.

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        1. Me too!!! I’m guessing canopy beds are coveted by many little girls. Like ponies.

          That’s a good idea. I’ll have to do some research because I’m guessing the couch cushion and duct tape method I’m envisioning won’t cut it.

          Some Bohemian-style designer is bound to have figured this out…

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            1. Sigh, most of us didn’t… and we never got to be mermaids or have pet unicorns. Adulthood can be so disappointing.

              But I’m guessing a Bed fort is doable. I’m on it 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re now the second commenter to express desire for grown up bed forts. I’m thinking this may have untapped potential. Adults clearly need more theme rooms in their lives.

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        1. I’m guessing most writers have introvert tendencies, so maybe there’s a higher demand for pillow forts among us.

          I should build one sometime then shout at my husband to “GET OUT OF MY FORT!” during an argument. We’d probably both crack up.

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            1. This is true. They should make forts with those little slidey things at eye level on the door so we can open them and peer out to talk to people.

              I don’t know if those things are real or just exist in cartoon land.

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        1. Haha, that’s awesome! Except Target has disappointed me by throwing the word “pillow fort” out there while showcasing normal bedrooms with proper beds. We clearly need to put more outside-the-box designers on this whole pillow fort franchise.

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          1. I would love to just start a business where that is all we did. Design, pillow and blanket forts for customers. Though, I would need my wife to be the one that actually designed it all. I would just be the immature one selling people on it.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. It would be very cool if there were a market for that. I’d love to see a comedy skit where a bunch of very serious interior designers are designing pillow forts in people’s living rooms. Maybe with a very flamboyant designer in charge.

              Like

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