My Toddler Demands Duck Lessons

Ah, to be a little kid again, when the line between fantasy and reality is blurry and even mundane stuff  is still exciting…

I wish, for example, that I could find ANYTHING as entertaining as my daughters find bath time. Seriously.

Even though they bathe all the time, they still race up the stairs, tripping over the clothes they’re simultaneously fighting to tear off, every single time they hear the bath is ready. “BUBBLES!” they scream, as though it didn’t happen yesterday, before dumping their basket of bath toys into the water and scrambling in.

Toddler equivalent of magic marker goatees on photos

They have all of these little plastic dolphins, crabs, mermaids, sharks, sea rays and other maritime-related toys. They have a ton and need every single one of them floating around to put them in the mood.

Tonight’s bath hysterics began when Brontë noticed that Bridget had bubbles on her chin. They started making bubble beards and laughing themselves into choking seizures.


Everything was peachy until I tried playing with them, making their toy shark swim menacingly through the water.

Brontë was quite offended. “It’s a NICE shark,” she told me. “Look mama, isn’t he cute? Pet him.”

They also insist on drinking bath water. Eww 



Alright Brontë, sorry to dampen the bubble party by suggesting anything ominous about your watery wonderland. I pet her toy shark with my finger and she seemed to forgive the insult.

Our kids love water so much that John and I have been thinking it’s time to get Brontë some swimming lessons. I decided to float the idea with her as we were wandering around McKinley Park the other day.

“You need some swimming lessons,” I told her as we walked by the public pool.

“But the pool is empty,” she said.

Looking over, I noticed the pool was, indeed, dry. Maybe they were cleaning it or something.

“Well, not necessarily here,” I said. “We can find you lessons somewhere else.”

She considered this as we walked along, hand-in-hand. We passed the empty pool and  strolled up by the pond. Geese rioted nearby as a dad tossed handfuls of torn-up bread with his kid. Ducks were everywhere. I pointed out some cute little ducklings swimming in a line behind their mama.

“HEY,” Brontë said. “Maybe the ducks can teach me! They swim a lot.”

I considered for a moment what a shame it is to grow out of the idea that ducks can teach us to swim. I mean, we have to… it would be tough to negotiate the adult world with those kinds of unrealistic expectations, but what a let down.

“Hmm, that’s a good idea.” I told her. “But you need a human teacher because ducks won’t know how to teach someone without wings and webbed feet.”

Brontë thought about this. Splaying her fingers, she explained that she could fool them into believing her feet were webbed and could probably pass it off if I would just make her some duck wings

“Sorry, but I don’t know how to make duck wings. I don’t think they would be fooled, anyway.”

“Well, we could at least ASK them.”

Guess that’s true.



10 thoughts on “My Toddler Demands Duck Lessons

  1. Hey, I’m very proud of you for wanting to get your children (or at least Bronte) swimming lessons, sooner rather than later. I used to teach swimming lessons, and little kids pick up on it right away.

    (Depending of course. I mean, every child is different, and so on. Standard disclaimers.)

    I do like idea of a giant talking duck in a bathing suit, teaching people how to swim.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I was self-taught as a kid, which means I swam doggy style for ages, haha

      My husband used to be a Navy diver, though, so he’s had swim lessons on the brain for ages now. : ) I think it’s a great idea and the girls would love it.

      We figure Bridget would be a good candidate once she starts talking more and following directions more.

      That sounds like a fun job, teaching kids to swim. It would be awesome if some guy walked out in a duck costume and started quacking orders. Someone should absolutely try this 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome, I love the way you write Erin but of course you know that already!!! It’s just so funny and real and thoughtful all at the same time 🙂 Good that you’re getting them involved in different activities to see where their interests lie. I swam when I was a kid but I hated it(partly because I’m not very good at it,lessons felt like a chore),now you’re really ever gonna find me chilling by the side of the pool reading a book 🙂

    But if I had a duck for an instructor, now that might have been a totally different story 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, you’re so sweet and you always brighten my day! I love to write about the hilarious things my kids do because they have such a fresh take on the universe. They give me a lot of material 🙂

      That’t too bad about your lessons. I had a bad experience too, where they forced us to put ur heads underwater and it terrified me. I ended up going home and teaching myself to swim years later… which means I doggy-paddled everywhere with little skill.

      I think the duck idea is a good one. Some swimming instructor needs to put on a duck costume and whistle and start bossing everyone around. It would be so much more entertaining 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha naw, you do! Your posts are always something I look forward to reading.
        Hahaha I just hated it. I pretty much can only do doggy with a little proficiency in free and breast-stroke…love taking my time swimming breast cos it’ll just piss my coach off. I didn’t like him very much; And I love taking my time just soaking up without doing much in the pool HAHA. Tennis is my favourite sport 🙂

        Hahaha that’ll just make everything so much better because you can’t get offended by a duck?! Right!?


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