My Daughter Confronts Her Dad About His Terrible Voice

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Finally past the “NO!” and “MINE!” phase of toddler communication

A lot of parents are sad when their babies start walking and talking because, well, babies are so easy and portable. They just sleep and eat and sit on your lap and don’t tear up your house they way toddlers do.

 

But let’s face it… babies don’t say much. It’s kind of a one-way conversation.

Toddlers, on the other hand, are hilarious.

They’re brutally honest. They string words together in unusual ways while trying to figure out the vast, confusing world around them.

For example, my four-year-old daughter Brontë HATES it when her daddy sings and isn’t shy about telling him so.

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My husband John, who sings made-up songs and NEVER EVER makes two trips to bring in groceries

He likes to sing, however, so he keeps it up.

 

Brontë figures she just hasn’t gotten through to him yet. She believes he would halt his mind-numbing sonic torture if he only understood how much it bothers her, so she keeps making up new and creative ways to explain it to him.

Now, I’m not entirely sure what the fuss is all about. John just sounds like a typical dad singing silly dad songs. Maybe it’s his voice or maybe it’s the irritating whimsy of his lyrics.

Or maybe it’s just another toddler control trip, but when John first started singing, she would stop whatever she was doing, throw her arms in the air, and scream, “NO DADDY! DO… NOT… SING!”

You’d think he’d understand this, right?

But he just kept on going. Bronte looked baffled. She couldn’t figure out how she failed to get her message across.

John actually thinks it’s funny to work Brontë into a frenzy. He’s that kind of guy. If you say you don’t want him leaving water glasses on the coffee table, you can bet he’ll be leaving water glasses on the table for months on end, just waiting for you to freak out. So I kind of know how Brontë feels.

Predictably, John kept singing until Brontë started running out of the room every time, screaming with her arms out in front of her like a tomb raider escaping a rampaging mummy in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

This never worked either, of course. John would keep walking around the house singing made-up songs, from time to time, until Brontë ran away shrieking. I suspect he actually began using this technique to make her leave the room whenever he wanted a parenting break.

So one day, John begins singing about how he needs to feed the cat and Brontë says, “Daddy… daddy… DADDY!!!!!!!!”

John stops. “What?”

Brontë puts her little hand on his arm and looks at him very seriously. “You’re breaking my heart, daddy.”

“How am I breaking your heart?”

“I no like you singing, daddy. You CAN’T SING.”

John starts singing again.

Brontë throws back her head and shouts open-mouthed, like a screaming muppet: “DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!!!!”

“WHAT!?”

“Your singing MAKES MY EARS CRY. It HURTS me.”

“Well, I like to sing.”

“That hurts my heart, daddy. Your singing makes my heart cry.”

John chuckles.

“NO LAUGH AT ME, DADDY!” Brontë shouted while running out of the room.

Well, at least she’s honest. And has a surprisingly good vocabulary for a four-year-old. The other day she called her little sister a “terrorist” while she was throwing a fit.

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Worn out from back-and-forth rounds of torturous musical improv and toddler burns

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on “My Daughter Confronts Her Dad About His Terrible Voice”

  1. Haha! It must be a little girl thing to berate dad for his faults – mine keep reprimanding my poor husband because his southern accent is different to theirs. Hope John keeps singing, these guys have to stand up for themselves in a house full of women!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, really? I think girls definitely go through a “no boys allowed” stage. Brontë keeps trying to define girl territory throughout the house.

      John definitely has his work cut out for him. He’s outnumbered three to one 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I sympathize with your husband. My daughter has never been all that happy when I sing, although she didn’t mind when she was really young, and my wife and I would sing her songs during bathtime, toweling off time, but most especially toenail trimming time.

    Now, if I decide to sing (I’m really more of a guy who hums to himself) I get the “No. Just no.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, that’s rough! Maybe she secretly likes it but it’s become a running joke. My best friend growing up used to get on her dad’s case about whistling, but you could tell she secretly liked it lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A terrorist! Hahah! 😀 😀

    I have to feel bad for your husband, because I think if someone (toddler or not) kept repeatedly telling me I can’t sing, I’d probably be a bit hurt about that. Sounds like he’s determined, though! I can’t help but picture Bronte pacing in her bedroom, plotting new ways to get Daddy to stop his torturous singing. Since guilt didn’t work, she’s going to have to bring out the heavy artillery now 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, she can be so colorful 🙂

      He may be a little hurt, but she tries to enforce so many arbitrary rule off the top of her head that it’s hard to work out whether she really hates it or if is just invested in the power struggle at this point…

      I mean, it also breaks her heart when she gets the green cup instead of the red one 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My favorite part is that she called her sister a terrorist hahaha. That’s so random and amazing. I love kids, they say some of the craziest things. The caption under your husband carrying groceries in made me laugh because my husband is the same way. He will stack bags, carry heavy things like cat litter and bottles of soda all at once, just so he doesn’t have to make another trip. Men.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kids crack me up too. I prefer the real ones to the cutesy TV versions 🙂

      Okay, so you feel the same way about men and grocery trips? I put that photo on Facebook thinking men and women might handle grocery bags differently based on better endurance vs upper body strength.

      But my girlfriends claimed to only make one trip. Multiple trips are for quitters, they said, even if you have to wrestle twenty bags simultaneously.

      Liked by 1 person

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