My Daughter Falls for Her First Obnoxious Punk

I don’t know if people without children believe parents think all kids are adorable, but deep down, we really don’t.

Like this weekend when we took our kids to Fairytale Town in Sacramento. It’s a cute toddler theme park based on fairytales, with a King Arthur castle in the middle and several tiny bridges around its make-believe moat.

Well, I was crossing one of these tiny bridges while holding Bridget’s (my two-year-old’s) hand when this pushy kid with a skateboard runs up behind us…

We were already crossing the when he rammed in right behind us in a vain attempt to  pass. Grunting about how slow we’re going (because 2-year-olds are pretty short), he starts shoving.

Annoyed as hell, I firmly let Bridget walk across at her natural pace.

Once we got to the other side and the kid was free to run away, he swivels around instead to shout, “Oh my GOD, you guys are SO UNBELIEVABLY SLOW it’s RIDICULOUS!”

“And you are INCREDIBLY RUDE!” I told him. “Trying to knock over a baby… GO LEARN SOME MANNERS!”

Startled, he ran. Maybe I was supposed to assume he needs our love and understanding to properly blossom, but I just couldn’t help thinking he’s gonna keep acting like a jerk unless it gets socially uncomfortable.

Either way, he skated off and our 4-year-old daughter Brontë went after him. She ran up smiling, but he didn’t want to talk to her. 

Everything was fine until we were later playing in the Sherwood Forrest playground section. Brontë sees this kid again and starts following him around, fawning on him, as he rolled his eyes at her again and again.

I was

horrified.

You see, other people looked at this kid and probably saw a cute little boy holding a skateboard, but when I looked at him, my brain fast-forwarded a dozen or so years until I saw this:

breakfastclub.jpg

Okay, so those of you born in the nineties may be missing the reference, but that’s John Bender, the rules-ignoring bad boy of The Breakfast Club. Notice how he’s smoking in the library and clearly up to no good with his shoes.

And this is what makes me realize I’m really a parent now: when I look at this guy, I’m seeing the guy who could screw up Future Brontë. 

You know, the Brontë who is president of the chess club and a serious contender for the International Science & Calculus College Scholarship until she gets mixed up with the likes of HIM.

And then we’re all of a sudden hearing, “But I loooooooove him” and “He didn’t really violate his parole, they’re just out to get him! No one understands him like me!”

No, Brontë, no!

They always make jokes about dads sitting on the porch with a shotgun, but I think moms actually panic even more.

Why? Because dads think their little girls are sweet little princesses who could be led astray by motorcycle jocks like this. Blindsided, if you will.

But moms… well, moms were once teenage girls themselves, so they understand exactly how they think. We ALL thought Bender was the hottest guy in the film. We loved it when Claire, the virginal princess, falls madly in love with him.

Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, so dads with shotguns make Bender delicious. It’s just not that easy.

Yeah, Brontë may be four, but I figure defeating the Bad Boy is gonna take some serious planning.

I need to think this through.

 

 

8 Comments

    1. Haha, I’d probably feel the same way if I had sons. I’d remember all the scary mean girls I knew growing up… but i have girls, so I’m thinking of all the bad boys, lol

      Liked by 1 person

  1. So rude! Good for you, standing up to him like the Mama Bear you are! As someone who was raised by another Mama Bear, I agree with your theory that moms are scarier. My dad has always been pretty laid-back, so if someone hurt or harmed me in some way, it’s been Mom who starts to come up with a plan of attack haha.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Good for your mama! Those instincts pop out when someone threatens you babies, lemme tell you…

      I’m also hoping if my girls see a strong mom, they will also be able to hold their own against boys, or at least not think they need bad boys for protection. It’s a running theory, at least.

      Course I’m also trying to raise them with confidence and good self-esteem. Hopefully it takes!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that’s an awesome lesson for them! It’s important to be respectful of authority and be nice to others, but if someone is making you uncomfortable or threatening you in some way, you want to have the confidence to stand up for yourself. Good on you, raising those little girls to have a sense of agency! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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