My Daughter’s Mutinous, Stabby Pants

pants.jpgSo, I caught my daughter smacking her own butt this morning while yelling, “BAD! You’re WRONG! You need to STOP IT!”

It was a perplexing situation, one I hoped to better understand. So instead of telling her to cut it out, I tried to uncover what strange manner of 4-year-old psychology had driven her to this desperate point…

Me: Umm… what are you doing? Why are you spanking yourself?

Brontë: I’m NOT. I’m spanking MY PANTS.

Me: I see. Okay… why?

Brontë: Because they won’t do cartwheels and somersaults the way I want them to.

Me: That’s an interesting dilemma.

Brontë: They’re being WRONG pants!

Me: Well… you do realize that *you’re* actually the one that does cartwheels and somersaults, right? And that right now, you’re really just spanking yourself?

Brontë’s eyes got big for a moment before she swiveled around and stomped off, muttering, “DAMN IT, stupid pants!”

As I thought: Don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh… 

Because I really shouldn’t encourage swearing, even when executed perfectly and to hilarious effect.

But I can definitely see why she’d be mad at those pants. First, they mess up her cartwheels and somersaults. Then, they trick her into smacking herself and looking silly in front of her mom.

They were definitely being WRONG pants that deserved everything they got.

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