How NOT to Boil an Egg

eggmemescomp2thisisfunnybecauseitcombines_a98ccd_5487988I love boiled eggs. They’re the perfect, portable, high-quality protein snack whose reputation has been quietly redeemed in the past few years… I love them so much, I don’t even need to salt them when they’re cooked right.

But cooking them right is trickier than it sounds. Too little, and your yolks come out gross and runny. Too much, and you get that overdone “egg-y” flavor assaulting you with its sulfur funk. You can’t tell, either, until you’ve already opened up the egg and ruined it.

After years of experimentation, I thought I’d finally found the perfect way to boil eggs. It goes like this:

  1. Put your eggs in a saucepan and add enough cold water to bring the waterline about an inch or so above the eggs
  2. Heat on high until the water starts a rolling boil
  3. Turn the water off, cover the pan, and let sit for 17 minutes
  4. Pour off the hot water, add some cold, and peel the eggs once they’re cool enough.

This method gave me fantastic boiled eggs: bright yellow yolks that were done without being overcooked in the slightest… well-cooked eggs with perfectly clean finishes.

It worked BEAUTIFULLY until I moved to a new house with a new stovetop that threw everything off. You’d think boiling=boiling, yet I kept ending up with an off-putting, jelly-like yolk consistency.

After getting thoroughly grossed out by my guinea pig eggs, I started boiled them for several more minutes, whereupon I was unable to peel them without taking out huge chunks of egg white. Essentially, everything but the yolk cemented to the peel.

So I began consulting Google, where I learned that adding a little baking soda to your water would make it easier to peel eggs after boiling but would also lend an aged, “egg-y” flavor, which hardly sounded like an improvement.

I also learned that there lots of experts on the internet who think they know the best ways of boiling and/or peeling eggs.

And I’m not one of those experts, though I can definitely tell you about one method you shouldn’t try:

Never, ever microwave an egg.

To explain why, let’s just start by pretending there was a hypothetical woman who really loved good hardboiled eggs…

Let’s just say she was in high-school when she once tried to hard-boil a couple of eggs on the stovetop, but miscalculated the time and ended up finding out her peeled eggs have gooey centers when she tries one.  Her eggs are almost done, but not quite.

Say her father then suggests she microwave the other egg to cook it just a tiny bit more. She asks him how much time he thinks would be sufficient and he suggests about thirty seconds.

mushroomcloudLet’s further say she microwaves her egg for thirty seconds and bites into it once it’s cool enough to handle. Half-closing her eyes in anticipation of a perfectly-cooked, hardboiled egg, she instead ends up peeing herself as an ear-shattering gunshot explodes in her face when a nuclear egg event blankets the 3-foot radius around her in white particles, because she’d apparently just split atoms by throwing eggs into the microwave and will later have some pretty embarrassing mouth blisters to explain at school.

So… don’t ever try microwaving whole eggs to hardboil them. Hypothetically speaking, it’s probably not a good idea.

But I am curious about trying this baking method, despite the authors talking about it leaving weird red spots all over your eggs’ insides. I’m not sure what would cause that and frankly, I’m a little scared to find out.

At any rate, does anyone have a tried-and-true method that works for them? What about the problems with peeling hard-boiled eggs without the egg whites sticking to the shell?

Clearly, I could use some help.






13 thoughts on “How NOT to Boil an Egg

  1. I completely believe you when you say not to try and microwave an egg, still in the shell. That sounds like creating a hand grenade.

    I do like scrambling eggs by using a microwave. I’ll crack an egg and let the yolk go into a coffee mug, pour in a bit of milk (and a little garlic salt, for seasoning) stir it a bit and then microwave it for about a minute.

    I then drop the cylinder of egg onto some toast and moosh it down with a fork. It’s quick and easy.

    (But, I admit, making regular scrambled eggs is quick and easy too. But this uses mysterious microwave science!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For the sake of my dignity, I must clarify that the egg was already peeled when I (hypothetically) microwaved it… apparently, the hardened egg white still seals the yolk enough to create lots of pressure.

      I’m guessing this might’ve been fixed by piercing the egg with a fork beforehand, but I’m not inclined to try it again 🙂

      I like your microwave method, though. Scrambling in a pan is also easy but requires more clean-up afterwards… lowering the dirty dish count is great incentive 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I shouldn’t have assumed that the egg was still in the shell, and you did say peeled. Your dignity has been defended!

        If you try out the coffee mug scrambled egg method, let me know the results


    1. Really, you hate them? I guess that’s not unusual.

      What about deviled eggs? I personally can’t stop eating well-made deviled eggs until they’re gone.

      Glad you still liked the post though, thank you! 🙂 I like the microwave trick too, and will be trying it.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I try these things so no one else has to, lol

      I will definitely check out your baking method, thanks! I’d love a surefire way to make good eggs…


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