My Super Bowl Confession

I have a deep dark confession to make. Are you ready?

I have no idea who’s playing in the Super Bowl later today.

Or where it is.

Apparently, it’s Super Bowl #51, but I just had to look that up. In fact, I’d forgotten that the Super Bowl was even happening until one of my Facebook buddies posted a picture of us at her Super Bowl party last year.

I don’t even remember who played last year, because I only knew for the duration of the party and only because I looked it up on the car ride over, whispering the team names to myself, over and over again.

I didn’t want to risk drawing a blank if someone asked me about it at the party, or not know what cities the teams that were playing were from. I knew what an idiot I’d look like if that happened, how much it would blow my cover of normalcy.

And I didn’t even  know who won at the time, because I wasn’t paying attention to the game at all.

I do remember that the woman from Texas who hosted the party made the most incredible tacos… real cotija cheese and fresh guacamole… and handmade fudge for dessert that I kept on dipping into.

I like good food and hanging out with people, which is why I went to her Super Bowl party in the first place. It could’ve been a monster truck rally or a bunny-fighting championship for all I cared, because I was just there for the conversation and nachos.

Not a cookie party though. In fact, the only time I can recall voluntarily throwing a football is when I ran out of a cookie-making party to throw footballs with the guys, because THAT’S how desperate I was to get away from the cookie party.

It was one of those deals where your girlfriend ropes you into attending a party that’s actually a giant sales pitch… in this case, selling these big plunger deals that would spit out even doses of cookie batter into PERFECTLY ROUND cookies to make your batch EXACTLY EVEN.

We all donned these ruffly aprons and took turns squirting out exactly-even cookies while hearing chirpy lectures about the virtues of consistent cookie shapes that droned on like IRS guidebooks from audible.com played at half speed. Man, these women had a lot to say about convection and how hard it was to make circular cookies by hand.

I think I was trapped in there for two full hours before slowly backing out into the yard to play catch while talking about ANYTHING besides making perfect cookies. I can BUY cookies real cheap, thank you very much.

Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a cookie while thinking to myself, “I’m not really enjoying this, because I can’t help noticing how this cookie is not exactly the same size and shape as the cookie right next to it,” so I was having trouble recognizing it as a pressing issue.

Geez, I really feel like I’m failing at suburbia sometimes, given my problems rallying for homemade cookies and the Super Bowl. It’s downright un-American, which is why I keep taking pains to hide my heretical ways. Someone’s eventually bound to figure out I’m an imposter, so I make a point of Googling the Super Bowl before forgetting everything I just read, ten seconds later.

I think part of my problem with sports is that the players aren’t actually from the cities they play for, so what’s the rivalry deal really about?

If my city challenged our neighboring city to a football game, I’d actually show up for that and find the outcome entertaining. But random people getting drafted to random places… how does that represent any kind of legitimate geo-battle?

Still, it’s not that I hate football, it’s that I’m this guy:

itcrowdfootball.jpg

For those of you who are confused, that’s Maurice Moss from the British show The IT Crowd, which is fantastic. In this scene, Moss is desperately trying to fit in with “normal” guys by attending a football game, which means soccer in British.

He really wants to make friends with other guys while knowing sports knowledge and enthusiasm are key, so he prepares canned statements to make on game day while pretending he also thinks the movements of an elliptical sphere are fascinating and important.

It may be my favorite episode of the entire show because of how much I relate to it.

Also, my last job before leaving the corporate world to take care of my kids was working for an IT Help desk.  Just like Moss.

Coincidence?

Maybe not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

17 Comments

  1. LMAO! You pulled me in with the pic of Moss and Roy. That is truly a great show. “I knew what an idiot I’d look like if that happened, how much it would blow my cover of normalcy.” I have bad news for you Erin. It’s not the lack of football knowledge that will blow your cover of normalcy, it’s having a blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Perhaps you would prefer the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel, or the Fish Bowl on NatGeo? Those are the games we’re watching today. Purrs, Quicksilver et al & Woofs and Wags, Cosmo and Stella

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh man, I don’t give a crap about the SuperBowl either. It’s rough pretending to care lol. My in-laws host a party every year so I feel like I have no choice to go. But.. there’s always a lot of yummy food. You should watch the Kitten Bowl. That’s what I’ll be doing with the kids in the other room 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The kitten bowl sounds way more entertaining to me too. So refreshing to hear that someone besides me doesn’t give a crap either… been pretending to care for a while now, but I know absolutely nothing about this game and usually feel like an alien.

      Hey, good food is always enough of a reason to attend a party. It can be your kittens & delicious snacks party inside your heart.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m pretty sure House Arryn is taking on the Bloody Mummers. (Okay, only people who have read the books that Game of Thrones are based on will get the entire reference, and if so, I’ve offended any book readers from New England. This is how I watch the superbowl, through the handy lens of Game of Thrones. Go Falcons!)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww, thank you! You’re the best!

        (New England beat my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers two weeks ago, denying them their rightful place in the Superbowl, so I’m rooting against them, just because. So, Go Falcons!)

        Hope you enjoy your Sunday night, no matter what happens, who wins, who doesn’t, if you watch, if you don’t etc.

        And happy blogging! I think you published a ton of posts last week.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Go Falcons, then! If it makes you happy, it’s as good a reason as any for me 🙂

          We’re going to take the girls to a Frozen singalong at a historic Theater in town- should be fun.

          Thanks! I hit a wave of creative energy and decided to ride it. Plus, I was experimenting with throwing out quicker shorter posts that I didn’t pour as much time into… thought they may seem more natural & conversational. I treat my blog as the sandbox mode for writing experiments 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I enjoy football but the super bowl is really one of the few games I watch in entirety anymore. I prefer staying home to watch it though. Of course I still make game food for the hubs and I, heh heh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I enjoyed it too because then today would be very exciting for me. There’s so much crowd energy and I get a little bummed about feeling nothing when everyone’s having so much fun… eh, I have other passions though.

      Have fun and I hope your desired team wins! Hope the food turns out well too. I can definitely get behind awesome snack food 🙂

      Like

  6. I now have to admit something that may cast me into the realms of “billy no mates”. I am British, I am male, and I do not even know the rules of football (soccer for you Erin!), never mind following a team, or caring who wins or loses. Never have, never will! By the way, what is Super Bowl?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of that before! Every British man I’ve ever met was waaaay into soccer.

      Which I like more than American football, maybe because I played it for a year as a kid.

      But the Super Bowl is the biggest, most important football match of the year and a huge deal in America, kind of a secular holiday. People throw big parties and are very invested. The Falcons seem to be the favored team this year.

      It also includes a half-time show that’s sometimes controversial. I believe Lady Gaga is performing today.

      Liked by 1 person

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