Sibling Torture Goes Sci-Fi

Just overheard my 6-year-old daughter convincing her baby sister that I’m actually an android who hides all the wires under my hair. It was truly inspiring. “Bedtime” will henceforth be referred to as “System Update Time.” Every once in a while, I may have to pause, mid-sentence, to stare into space. To keep them on […]

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Invisible Friends to the Rescue

I was getting the kids into the car the other day, after hanging out a local park, when I discovered a back seatbelt was jammed. It absolutely wouldn’t budge. I thought about how we’re technically allowed to put a kid in the front seat when the back is full before kicking myself again for not […]

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My Daughter Misgenders the Cat

My four-year-old daughter Bridget’s favorite toy ever is “Catfish,” a stuffed-animal Siamese cat with a fish drawing on its collar. And though she loves him, he’s clearly her fall guy. Messy room, dirty bed, broken toys… she’s been insisting Catfish orchestrated all these petty toddler crimes and more. He’s been so naughty, in fact, we […]

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An Unexpected Birthday

So, today was my birthday and the lead up was NOT good. Birthdays, holidays and milestones mean a lot to me. I demand real Christmas trees, that we hopefully have to cut down ourselves, and will stay up all night baking Christmas cookies with the girls because IT’S CHRISTMAS AND THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO. Maybe […]

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What Kind Of Parent Are You?

Before I had kids, I knew exactly what kind of parent I would be. I’d be the kind who: Makes their kid wonderful meals from scratch and teaches them to love eating healthy sophisticated foods, and Reasonably explains why screaming in public is a bad idea and therefore has super well-behaved kids in public. And […]

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Judgey Cakes and Baby Angst

Upon finding out that Halloween is soon and she could eat all the chocolate she wants, my Viking baby Bridget made this face: Because she loves spooky stuff (Jack Skellington is her personal hero) and really, really likes chocolate. This was welcome news, because Bridget has been on a real tear lately. Having lots of […]

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