So the other day at the grocery store, my four-year-old daughter Brontë once again showed signs of an unfortunate phase I thought we’d gotten past. Let me explain. As any parent can tell you, having kids is a mixture of heartwarming, hilarious, and insanely trying moments. While every kid is different, they all seem to go […]Read More How to Be Naked At the Grocery Store
Brontë: I need a toilet. Me (feeding Bridget): You want to go potty? Brontë: No, I just need a toilet. Brontë toddles off, returning with her Minnie Mouse potty. She puts it on the floor and just as I start to get excited, flips the lid down and stands on top of it. Using her […]Read More False Breakthrough in Potty-Training
Big stink lines wafted from my two-year old daughter. She was blurring the background view as she stood in her overripe diaper. “Did you poop, Brontë?” “NO!” She yelled, running behind the couch. “It’s okay if you pooped,” I reassured her, “Everybody poops.” Popping her eyes above the couch, she considered what I was saying. […]Read More Everybody poops. Everybody.
After a lifetime of pretending no one ever has to poo, I can’t adequately describe the hilarity of watching your pink-cheeked little baby girl in her high chair suddenly drop her spoon, stare off into the distance with widening eyes, and begin to openly grunt as she squeezes out a turd,Read More Babies and the Humor of Bodily Functions
Do I really have a baby, or is there a midget high on PCP running around the house? One minute she’s cuddly and sentimental, the next, raging…. I can almost hear her slurring, “Lemme tell you about the cats,” as she drools before falling flat on her face. Brontë is starting to walk, but she […]Read More Babies, or Drunken Midget Frat Boys?